The Awakening
All I remember about Kate Chopin’s version of the classic novel The Awakening is it being a sad tale of a mother who walks into the water at the end of the story and kills herself. What’s so great about an ‘awakening’ like that?
As I near the landmark milestone of my 30th birthday, I find all kinds of subtle and not-so subtle changes happening all around me, within me, to me, for me, by me. My own personal ‘Awakening’ looks nothing like the famous version, but is filled with light and hope and knowledge and a better understanding of just exactly who I am and why I am they way I am.
I didn’t stumble upon all these realizations just fumbling through the daily grind with my eyes closed, in the dark, just doing what needed to be done to survive. I feel like I have been operating on that mode for a while now. I grew tired of that exhausting existence and consciously, purposefully went searching for answers to the questions that have been taunting and haunting me for… well, forever.
Why do I always seem to self sabotage myself?
With weight? My career, losing out on jobs I wanted and got so close to but never materialized? Friendships I was on the verge of forging but fell short of making long term connections last? Great ideas I had and would get all excited over and then let fade into nothingness because I talked myself out of thinking they were great or that they were too unrealistic to even pursue?
My whole entire life I seem to have gotten caught up on the ‘how’ of making things happens, instead of simply just focusing on making them happen! I’ve always thought of myself as an optimistic person. A favorite phase of mine has always been ‘Never underestimating the power of positive thinking’ but I rarely took it a step further! I see now believing is just the beginning of making all the things you ever dreamed of happen.
Dreams come true when you venture out beyond belief.
One of my new favorite pastimes is reviving my usage of the library. My LFPL card has been scanned more times in the past months than in the past decade! How did I let that happen!?
As a child/pre-teen I vividly remember making my mom take me to the library on a weekly basis where I would check out as many books as they’d let me, like 13 at a time, and passionalty read through them back-to-back-to-back until it was time to re-up my stash. Oh how good it feels to be among the stacks of knowledge, entertainment, escape, and possibility that lie within the rows and rows of books!
It started one day on a whim to stop by the Fern Creek branch after a grocery run to check on the availability of a Paleo cookbook I have been searching for. I searched the food section with no avail and wondered over to the self help shelves. I scanned the titles aimlessly, laughing at the absurdity of some, until my eyes stopped upon a small book, red with ancient looking text calling out to me.
I selected ‘The Secret’ simply because I remember a show about it on Oprah and where everyone on there seemed so excited to share their ‘secret’ knowledge. I flipped through the pages and saw lots of quotes by famous people from the past. Tidbits of positivity leapt off the page and piqued my interest and I was sold.
I read the entire book in a day and a half. Some sections were already high lighted and even though it was a library book, I found myself busting out my pink high lighter and marking passages that moved me. There were many.
The Law of Attraction, what a powerful force to tap into and use in daily life! Why doesn’t everybody practice this!? I guess one would have to begin with believing in order to see results, but if even if the theory weren’t true that you attract whatever energy you put out, what’s the harm in trying?
I began testing the theories and almost immediately the universe began to align itself with my thoughts and desires. Ask and ye shall receive! I found many things and thoughts in my own head I already knew to be true were validated and expanded on in this book.
My excitement was so contagious I got my husband to read the book and within a few days we were having little ‘Bible Studies’ together at night sharing sections we liked and what they meant to us and how to apply all the positive energy and goodness into our lives. He was just as amazed as I was when IT WORKED. Immediately.
People we thought about or talked about called or showed up on our door. Objects or other things we wanted were suddenly made available. Money began to flow into our lives easy and effortlessly. That was one of our pet phrases. We wrote down quotes, affirmations, daily mantras on sticky notes and posted them in our car, throughout the pages of our calendars and agenda, on mirrors. We said them to each other and sat back and watched the magic happen.
Any chance I got, I trolled the book section at the grocery, Half Priced Books, Meijer for titles that jumped out at me or called me with the promise of an inner message meant just for me. I found it everywhere I looked. ‘Self help’ book after book breaking down the inner workings of my mind and heart in ways I had only once dreamed of exploring.
I found another moving book called ‘Negaholics’ that got me so excited I began to get on people’s nerves with my positivity and desire to share my new found knowledge of the secrets of the mind and universe. This book was if someone had written a Bible for me on understanding why my mind tended to work the way it did, years of worry and anxiety, crazy thoughts of my loved ones dying and doom and gloom for days, suddenly explained.
Author Cherie Carter-Scott provided a remedy for that negative line of thinking and living that when applying to my life, ACTUALLY worked! How awesome and amazing is that?
So as I celebrate the milestone marker of entering the typical ‘mid-life’ decade of my life, I welcome my personal awakening.
When I stand at the shoreline with water lapping around my ankles, I look forward to floating amidst the gentle waves. And when the tide turns a little rough, Mother Nature ain’t got shit on my swimming skills. There’s no more sinking into the black abyss for me.
