When I get really sleep deprived, not just normal everyday sleep deprived, but I-haven't-had-more-than-an-hour-of-uninterrupted-sleep-in-a-week-or-so sleep deprived, I become weepy. I find myself pleading with 10 month olds in the middle of the night to please just give Mommy a break and SLEEP, as they laugh and play footsie with each other in my arms. They are so damn cute, I alternate smiling at them while I can't stop crying and then I really feel looney toons. And they just look up at me and smile, oblivious that their mother's sanity is slipping away and if they would just SLEEP, I could SLEEP and be such a better mother to them!

Then when the 2:00am-5:00am battle is finally over and they have surrendered to their cribs, I lay in bed and cry some more. Feel sorry for myself like everyone else does, the ones who say, 'I just don't know how you do it' and the ones who flat out say, 'I feel so sorry for you!'

Most of the time I don't feel sorry for myself at all, I just feel blessed. When people say, 'I'm glad its you and not me!' I respond in my head, 'Me too cause I doubt you could do what I do!' But sometimes in that crazy I can't sleep because I'm so freaking tired state, I feel sorry for me too.

Nobody understands. Not my parents, not my family, certainly not my friends who still invite me out for girls night not understanding getting a babysitter is nearly impossible with three babies nobody wants to watch because its too much work and work is not fun! Other twin moms might understand and my husband certainly understands, but he's not much comfort when he's just as sleep deprived as me!

By 6:30am Bryce is crying with his morning wet diaper hello, and I can't even be grateful that he didn't wake up sooner, because sometimes we are all up at 3:00am, me alone struggling on the couch with three sleepy babies who want a spot on me, while my husband works his graveyard shift that won't end until late the following night.

Once one is up, they are all up, so I begin a fresh day with extra strong coffee Kenny made to try and jolt me out of my sleepy, weepy state. I send Bryce off to school and cry some more when I can't make a doctor's appointment for Carly to get tubes in her ears because the person who does the referrals is out sick. Maybe if she wasn't in so much pain, she'd SLEEP and not scream so loud she keeps up all up at night.

I cry on the phone to the office lady who tells me to try back later in the week and say pitifully, 'OK I'll just let her suffer in pain until someone decides to send the fax over!' And I hang up and cry some more.


I know its all just a phase and they will grow and I will long for my sweet baby days (damn it I'm still crying!) but sometimes I just want to SLEEP.

And yes, they are both sleeping peacfully now because they were up half the night, and despite the genious advice to 'sleep when the baby sleeps', (which doesn't work well for parents of multiples because do you know what the odds are that all three will sleep at the same time for any good length of time to allow me to get any meaningful sleep? Slim to none!) I've drank too much damn coffee to lay down.

Besides, really what's the point because the second I slip off into unconsciousness, the baby monitor will flare up like a fucking switch board and I will just have to drudge myself back from the edge of dreamland and be Zombie Mom again for the rest of the day until my relief pitcher shows up in the form of another less sleep deprived Daddy or family member who has mercy on me and takes a kid or two, God Bless them!