Now I know what happens to the celebrities when they faint on stage or have a breakdown on live TV and sound like a coo coo head. When they take a break from work for a while or enter the hospital due to 'exaugstion'.

I think I'm about there.

In my head, the answer to all my problems would be a week away at a spa or somewhere sunny and quiet where I could lay in bed for a week or more at a time. Sleeping, not even reading or watching TV. Kind of like an induced coma, but I could wake up periodically and enjoy the view from my room. I wouldn't have to talk to people or take care of anyone else. They would feed me fruit, a bread bowl with warm soup, and chocolate in bed for every meal. To prevent atrophy, I would walk around a naturistic trail in the evenings and get massages several times a day to keep my blood pumping. Oh wait, that sounds too much like Heaven and getting there requires a serious step in the worst direction and I'm not willing to give up the good fight here for that yet, so I trudge on.

I realize I've lost my mojo a little bit. I can't find my 'happy place' at Bootcamp. Today I tried moving off by myself away from my freinds to maybe get some of my concentration back to no avail. My mind is not right.

If I go back and read my recent blogs, they are dark and depressing. No motivational speeches here. I like the positive ones better, but what's the point of having a blog if you're not honest, so stay tuned, I will return to my inspirational self soon enough. I hope. I will always have hope! If I lose that, I would be way to close to that spa in the sky.

I know will still reach my goals. I will come back around out of this funk, but it sucks to be stuck here in this darkness for the moment. The difference is now at this enlightened point in my life, I know there is a light on the other side, I just haev to paitently wait until I find my way to it again.

I was never good at being paitent.