I sang, "I tip my 40 to your memory....." tonight every time I poured out a full coke bottle somebody paid money for and left sitting behind, and smiled.

October 24, 2009, our last night of doing the Fern Creek High School football cleanup. Thirteen years later, I never imagined myself back here like this, picking up nasty nacho containers and cussing at people who throw their mustard packets and Starburst wrappers on the ground. Its a dirty job, but there's good money in doing the crap other people don't want to do.

I liked being there, reminiscing and remembering under a clear sky on a cool night, not unlike the one that changed my life forever. Homecoming week 1996, sophomore year, the bonfire, us laughing and dancing, saying goodbye, watching you walk, bound towards the car. Dead minutes later. Only 15 years old, you've been gone twelve times longer than I knew you, but it doesn't matter, you've been along with me the entire time.

I smile when I think about how much you loved Fern Creek. I think about what I want to write when I get home, happy thoughts and feelings stir. The wind blows harder and a spray of confetti fills the sky. The neon lights of the field focus their sparkling splendor of refracting light on the wet leaves that dance their way to the ground. I stop and smile, halfway to the top of the student section amidst the discarded hot dog wrappers and fries. How beautiful, like a golden butterfly hello, just for me from you. Its been a while since you said hello, thank you for remembering, I love you and miss you too. I believe in signs like that.

I wrote something for you today when I realized what day it was....How come it took me so long? I suddenly don't dread this day anymore. Has time healed my wound so tightly shut I only feel the pain now when I want to? Its there, the sadness of it all, if I go digging for it. I prefer the perspective I have now after all these years, that its not so bad losing you because really I never did.

On my way home, a song drifts in and out through the radio static, Coltrane I think, a mellow dreamy melody promising 'death is just a door, they'll be waiting on the other side.' If I had watched the movie 'Paranormal Activity' I might have been a little freaked out, but I am oddly comforted by your wish goodnight, reassurance that you are really there, right there waiting on the other side.




10/24

By Leah Bomar

I let it creep up on me this year,
Too busy to be bothered by a date,
A heartstabbing stupid number on a calendar
that causes too much pain.

24. Why hate a number?
13. Why cry over how many years have passed
since you passed,
proving 1 year of having you physically in my life
was long enough to last a lifetime in angel/human years?


Denial is effective only as long as your in it.
I miss you.

I let it creep up on me,
my memories of you packed away in a box,
no longer sitting on my heart shaped shelf
that has been a permanet fixture on my wall
since when we used to do our hair and make up
under my big green mirror,
reflecting on our future,
discussing our dreams.
Adolescent innocence at its finest,
eating homemade chicken noodle soup for the soul
searching for ourselves,
listening to Bone Thugs N Harmony 'Crossroads'
not knowing that was all we had.