2009 has arrived and I find myself scared of this year. Excited, yes, but definitely scared. I haven't entered the start of a new year 100% sober since I was probably 13, but that isn't the only reason this year is so different.

I knew from the time the ball dropped and I stood amidst the drunks kissing, starring stupidly at the TV screen and trying to nonchalantly dodge my husband's whiskey breath that this was a monumental year. Not very often do you enter the realm of fresh starts knowing upfront that by the turn of another notch on the calendar year 12 months from now that my life will most certainly not be the same as it was in that very moment we passed from 2008 to 2009.

I liked 2008. I experienced my first full year as a mother and watched my son grow so fast from a pooping, peeing, sleeping, crying mass of undeveloped muscle (a very cute mass I must say) to a walking, talking baby boy. Words don't describe feelings like that. I didn't have the travel highlights of years past, but his smiles and snuggles made up for that. Even though I know the number of smiles and snuggles in my life is about to increase three-fold, I am still fucking scared. I've never been good with unknowns and that is what 2009 has in store for me. A life unlike anything I ever imagined or can prepare for.

I feel like I live in a picturesque snow globe that someone is about to shake the hell out of. My world is about to be turned upside down. Before I have a panic attack without the aide of my Xanax, I remind myself of something poetic that makes me smile. I always liked the snow globes better when they were all shaken up. Bring it on, 2009.

Me (6 months pregnant with twins) and My Husband ringing in 2009