The Grass Only LOOKS Greener....

I was a complete bitch over missing CrossFit tonight.

At 6:16pm, when my husband stated his location as ‘crossing over Eastern Parkway on my way home’, it became obvious I wasn’t going to make it to 7:00 Hybrid CrossFit class. The hands on the clock passed the point of no return and I basically bitched him out over sink full of sudsy dishes, balancing the cell phone between my shoulder and ear not really caring at the moment if it fell in the water or not. I wasn’t going to get in my daily release of pent up aggression and anger, so now what the hell was I going to do with myself!?

It wasn’t really his fault, the man whose day began at 3:30am and included a 7:00 am WOD followed by a full day of cleaning other people’s crap out of their carpets. Somebody has to work to pay the bills around here and the amount of work I do slaving over household duties doesn’t put a paycheck in the bank. I remind myself to be thankful for enough work to sustain our existence. Its not easy running a 5 person family on the income of 1, but we sacrifice because our babies are only little once and this is such an important time for us to be blessed with their constant presence, regardless how much that constant presence drives us crazy.

But I was PISSED not to get my workout in. All day I mentally prepared for an ass kicking that was not coming, so now what’s a girl to do? It may not sound that serious to some, but perhaps fellow CrossFitters understand the need to sweat, the desire to positively redirect daily anger and pain into a WOD.

Plus there’s always the feeling of missing out on something. At 7:15, I imagine what my friends are doing. The warm up is over; they are starting in on their first skill set practice… Magic happens at a CrossFit ‘gym’ and who doesn’t want to be where the magic happens?

I understand the human tendency to always want what we can’t or don’t have. Lusting after an image in our head of how we perceive things to be for others. My single friends with no husband or kids sometimes seem to have it all. They can go workout twice a day or hop on their bike and ride up to the gym just to stretch and roll out whenever they want. I envy their freedom, ability to do whatever the hell they want, when they want. It seems as if my life has never been that way. I have never been alone.

And yet I also have friends with the same afore mentioned freedom that would trade sleeping in and nights out on the town for a hectic family schedule like mine. The grass is always greener….

Hell has been described as wanting to be any place other than where you are at the moment. I remind myself of this and take in deep breaths of the cool Kentucky late September evening air.

What is so wrong with exactly where you are right now?

Fresh aromas of homemade chicken stock fill my nostrils. I listen. I calm my thoughts and feelings. So what I don’t get to work out today? I am exactly where I need to be at this moment and fighting that will only lead to misery.

My children’s squeals, screams, and laughter filter in through the open kitchen window. I turn off the drone of the evening news in the living room and even though I wasn’t paying much attention, I would much rather focus on the sounds of what I love most vs. the infiltration of horror stories seeping into my subconscious.

I watch them out the window while I chop... therapy at its cheapest. They aimlessly chase each other, run in circles around our backyard, tackle, tickle, hug, push, play. I always smile inadvertently no matter how angry or upset I am when I see or think of them.
What a wonderful life we all have when you take the time to appreciate it, as is.

Dropping 110lb weighted bar on my head wasn’t near the worst or most painful thing that happened to me yesterday.

Some days my stress level is so high, losing myself in an hour of CrossFit is the only RX to bring me back to normal again. Better than normal. My need for sweat and total emotional annihilation via completing a kick ass WOD is beyond obsession. The word ‘addiction’ has too many negative connotations attached to. Some days I just simply need it, hence the complete bitch behavior the following day when I was forced to miss my workout due to childcare switch off issues.

Pushing myself so hard physically is rewarding because of how great I feel after completing what I wasn’t sure I could do in the first place.

The board looked like this upon walking into DCCF…

Tuesday 9/27/11
September 26, 2011
WODPush Jerk – 3, 3, 3, 1, 1, 1+Max Rep Pullups x 4+15min AMRAP6 Shoulder to Overhead12 Turkish Situp12 One Leg Squat
I needed that workout.

My day had already consisted of rising at 5:00am, not to workout (which is how I would prefer my day to begin if I am up that early) but to take my daughter in for outpatient surgery on her ears. It’s been a long 6 weeks for Carly & I, battling an ear infection that wouldn’t go away no matter how aggressive our treatment. Thank you, MRSA. Look that shit up on the internet and you’ll feel like funeral planning is in your future.

A staph infection resistant to antibiotics is scary stuff, especially when the infection has decided to take up residence in your 2 year old’s ear. No fun for anyone involved. I just wanted my daughter back to her normal self, a full night’s sleep for both of us, for her to be better and 100% infection free. Hence the surgical removal of her ear tubes. Apparently the nasty MRSA likes to set up shop around foreign objects in the body, such as the plastic the tubes are made out of. Sigh.

Time to sweat out my fears and frustrations.

I like the push jerk. Ever since nailing the overhead squat over the weekend (just days before I couldn’t even get the BAR, and there I was Saturday adding weight and banging them out in good form!) I was itching to throw some heavy iron over my head. My confidence was up. I knew I was capable of more than I had given myself credit for and I was ready to raise the bar. Literally and figuratively.

I progressed each set by adding more and more weight each time. By my last set I was up to 50lbs + a 32lb women’s bar. 82lbs I was dip-drive-dipping over my head.

Awesome. It felt great.

So as I’m racking my weights, I notice the lady in front of me is adding two more 10’s.

“I’m going to try that when you’re finished,” I tell her.

I’ve seen her around the 3:45 class before and I remember a Death by Row day where I tried to keep her pace even though she’s way taller and has longer arms than me. I always try to pick someone out of each class to keep up with. Even if I don’t ‘beat’ them, it gives me and extra motivation to keep a kick ass pace. And if I do beat their time or weight, well hot damn, I feel like a real bad ass that day!

“You know this is a man bar, right?” She replies, smirking with doubt.

This means the weight has jumped over 30lbs compared to the weight on my final rep and that last one didn’t go up easily.

“I only gotta do it once!” Is my reply.

She attempts her final rep and doesn’t make it up. I am a little nervous at this point, but what the hell? I’ve already verbally committed myself, I wasn’t going to back down from the challenge not.

It’s only once, right?

I step up to the bar and can tell a difference, but at this point I still think I can do it.

I dip, drive…..

BAM!

Before I even know what happened, there is a pain in my head and I realize the bar didn’t make it over my head, but actually ended up on my head! I didn’t drop the bar but recovered enough to rack 'em.

I was more embarrassed than anything. At least Coach Ryan didn’t laugh out loud as I’ve seen him do before. He mainly just looked a little concerned. I’ve seen the very same thing, and worse, happen to other people, but I never knew how quickly or easily accidents in the gym could happen.

All I could think about was my son’s three Frankenstein stitches to the forehead. He fell out of bed last week resulting with a gash on his beautiful face, all in the middle of dealing with Carly hospital drama and trips to the infectious disease doctor. Nobody wants to make a trip to that doctor’s office, trust me. Scary place.

We went on with the WOD and halfway through I changed position because the glare of the sun off the front glass was making me dizzy. I finished and lay on the floor, almost complaining that the WOD made me dizzy, before I remembered the 100+ pounds to the dome was probably the culprit.

Lessons learned: There is a difference between confidence and cockiness. Also, get the hell out of the way when you attempt and fail a heavy lift!!!

To avoid eating the scraps of food off my kid's plates (OR THE FLOOR!!!) while cleaning up, I began to tell myself, "You are NOT a garbage disposal."

Working for the Presbyterian Hunger Program for so many years raised my awarness of many issues, including the lack of food for so many around the world. I mean, people are dying from malnutrition and starvation, so I always thought of this when throwing food away. It was almost painful to waste food. So, usually, I just ate it. Even if I really didn't want it or like it.

Then I read "Women, Food & God" by Geneen Roth and my relationship with food changed forever. I became free from the constant battle raging inside for the majority of my life. One of the lessons I benefited from learning was the theory that food will be converted to waste whether it goes into your body or the trash.

Throw that shit away. Don't reward yourself with food. You (and your body) deserve better.

What crazy things have YOU done to lose weight?

Try something REALLY revolutional....

The Student Becomes the Teacher....

I love it when you've rounded a corner and didn't even know it, a sudden shift in the tide so subtle you don't even notice a change until its already taken place.

A fresh crop of CrossFitters have infiltrated class, unfamiliar faces unsure and asking for advice.... from me.

ME, just another rookie, but not as much of a newbie compared to them. Its HILARIOUS to me others are suddenly asking ME for advice and looking at me like I'm a beast on the barbells. How funny because I still feel like 'the new girl'.

"Don't watch me!" I want to say sometimes. "I still don't know what the hell I'm doing!"

But I realize that's not true because I do. Almost 4 months of CrossFit has ingrained some muscle memory that was never there before. In a class if a coach asks if someone can demonstrate certain movements, I can. When stepping up to the 100lb+ stone balls in the back I don't hesitate to give it a try because I know I can lift it. I've done it before!

Only once before, but to a scared shitless first-timer, I resemble an old pro. AWESOME.

Wearing High Heels is Like Working Out....

It may hurt, but DAMN your legs, butt, & posture look so much better! :)

Embrace the pain.